The Builders Are In

February 2nd, 2012


OK, why do five guys working together all day buy a newspaper each?  They could share one or two copies between them, (they all read The Sun). It makes sense, surely. Because I end up with five copies of The Sun stacked in my bathroom every day, my wheelie bin is totally full of newspapers.  And is it just me, or does eighteen toilet rolls in three weeks sound a rather excessive amount of Andrex for one household to
go through? OK, I admit I hid the Andrex and lobbed a packet of Aldi in the bathroom on day three, (no one noticed the difference).

And the dust!  OMG, the dust! I suffer from paroxysms of cleanliness where I snatch a cloth and beetle around the house wiping everything. I then stand back and smile, pleased with myself. This feeling of euphoria lasts about fifteen minutes until the mushroom cloud settles again. I then stomp around like a woman possessed, glass in hand, phone pressed to my ear, taking a gulp of wine for every gripe I can relate to, as my friend berates her builders. And what am I doing? Well . . . I’m doing everything. I’m renovating the whole friggin house. Because I saw myself as a bit of an Extreme Makeover aspirant, (they make it look so easy on television). There should be some sort of a “don’t do this at home” warning.  In desperation, I’ve moved most of my belongings out of the house, and I’ve moved in with my sister. Which isn’t ideal, because –

  1. My friend, who offered to look after all my soft furnishings, has my lamp on her lounge table, my candles burning in her hallway
    and my favorite vase on her kitchen window ledge. I suspect I might have a fight on my hands when I want it all back.
  2. My other friend who offered to store my clothes whilst my bedroom was re-plastered was spotted in Weybridge High Street wearing
    my new black velvet coat.
  3. It’s a first up best dressed situation at my sister’s house. Subsequently, I haven’t been able to wear my River Island boots
    all week, because they go to London on the 7.10 train from Leatherhead to Waterloo on my niece Lauren’s feet.
  4. I haven’t seen my Nars blusher for four days, (neither has anyone else, a fact that frankly I find hard to believe).
  5. My sister and I are a terrible influence on each other. She makes me go shopping and I make her go out for lunch, (still we need
    to eat, and the Sales are still on).

Hopefully I’ll be moving back home next week. And when I do, I won’t be watching 60 Minute Makeover.

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Posted in: From the Author by Molly Hopkins on February 2nd, 2012

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